I choose to be happy

Well, today I feel so terrible and not in the mood :| gossssssh I felt so horrible right now :( hmm. I don't know how to tell but I felt the horrible feelings inside my heart :'/ I felt abandoned and ignored. Haihhhh do I actually have a boyfriend or not I don't even know. It is as if I don't have anyone. I need you but it seems that you don't need me in your life. Right?

Where'd you go when I need you? You said you would be here with me. Lie. You said you will always be by my side. Lie. You said you will always make me happy. Lie. You said you will never let tears run down from my eyes. Lie. You said you will make me comfort whenever I am afraid. Lie.

Because everything that you said is a lie. 

Whatever that you did, I will always say 'It's okay, I understand'. But do you have any idea how hard it is for me just to say those words? No, you don't. Because you will never feel what I feel. How hurt it is to be no one in the life of the people that you love.

It seems that friends is more important in your life, including me. So it is okay for you right for losing me in your life? Kaaan? It is fine untuk awak kan? Patience has it's limit. I don't know whether I can still keep smiling or not. Haaaaaihhh Awak selalu menghilang, every night. Excuse yang awak bagi semuanya berkaitan dgn kawan awak, sampai mase untuk saye pun awak dah tak ade langsung. Siapa saye untuk awak? Awak bersikap mcm ni sebab awak tahu, saye akan selalu ade untuk awak bile awak perlukan saye. You will always see me whenever you turn around. But awak rase, if saye tak boleh nak hold on lagi, awak expect saye akan ade lagi ke bile awak turn around your back? Saye bukan seorang yang kuat. 

Saye cube untuk faham awak, ape awak buat, awak menghilang awak busy, semua saye akan try faham. Sebab saye nak memahami awak daripada bergaduh dgn awak. Saye dah penat. Penat bergaduh dengan awak. :| kalau saye boleh cakap semua ni kat awak, terus terang dgn awak :'( I cried last night. Cried so badly. Just because I can't hold it anymore. It's better lagi saye menangis daripada saye penat untuk memahami awak kaaan? :( 

Saye tak tahu nak cakap ape lagi, sebab saye dah penat sangat. Penat untuk segalanya. What I want to do is to follow your flow. I will never stop from being understand about everything. I won't. I love you, and that is the reason why I will always be strong and never give up on my feelings for you. 

p/s: A, I will always love you, I'm sorry for all those words up there if it hurts your feelings.

Miaa, xox